Wednesday, December 8, 2021
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But Mommm: Perception

“Mama no smile?”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks as he put his little hand on my cheek. We had just finished reading stories and were having a cuddle before bed when he so accurately figured out how I was feeling on the inside.

As I felt my eyes starting to well up, I gave him a hug and said, “Oh buddy, mommy can’t help but smile when she’s cuddling with you.” I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep, more in an effort to mask the tears than anything.

How could he tell? I always considered myself an Oscar contender when it comes to acting through my emotions – how is it possible that my two year old just called my bluff?

The truth is that there was nothing horribly wrong. Work had been crazy busy. My husband had been travelling for work and the kids hadn’t all been sleeping. I was feeling stressed, exhausted and frustrated that I hadn’t been able to find time to hit the gym or take care of things for myself.

And then, as I drove home from work that day, I got rear-ended as I took a ramp off the highway.

In the grand scheme of accidents, it was minor one. The weird thing for me was that I almost sensed it. As I slowed to a stop at the ramp, I actually thought that I should leave some space between me and the car in front of me because of where I was stopped and the fact that it was raining. Not ten seconds later I felt the thump and my car jumped forward (but I had enough room that I didn’t hit the person in front of me).

I was fine driving home and then as a major headache set in around the same time as the supper and bedtime rush, I think my adrenaline dropped and I suddenly just felt sad. I did my best to mask it through playtime and bath time but obviously my best just wasn’t good enough. The tears were because something told me to hang back, because it wasn’t worse than it was and because I was by myself at the time.

When I think back, I have to wonder if the tears were also because he knew. He’s two and he knows me so well that he could sense something was wrong. In that exact moment, I was reminded of the insane connection between mother and child. Incredible.


Deanna is a Mom of three, wife, marketer and blogger – lover of travel, morning coffee, family time, belly laughs, good friends and uninterrupted showers! Follow her on twitter @DeannaCMiller

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