Thursday, October 1, 2020
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But Mommm: A Glimpse

by mom blogger, Deanna Cogdon Miller

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On so many occasions I’ve wondered what the kids will be like in the future. What will they look like? How will they act? What friends will they have? Will any of their interests now still be their interests in the future? I love daydreaming about it. I spend a lot of nights when I’m cuddling with them at bedtime studying their features and trying to figure out which ones are likely to stay and what will change. It’s impossible to predict but just a little game I play in my mind.

And then came this weekend.

On Saturday, both of our girls had roles in my step-sister’s wedding. Our eight-year-old was a junior bridesmaid and our six-year-old was the flower girl. For the very first time we got to see what they look like really dressed up. Their dresses were stunning – simple, long and elegant. The bridesmaids, including our oldest, were able to pick their own dresses as long as they stayed with a certain designer and with the pewter colour that was chosen for the wedding. Ours picked a really pretty, and age appropriate, one shoulder dress that couldn’t have been more perfect. In addition, they put a little bit of make-up on her to help her pop in the pictures with the other five bridesmaids.

I seriously cannot stop looking at one particular picture I took of her and her sister. For the very first time I feel like I can truly see it. I can see what I think she’s going to look like when she’s older. I get the strangest feeling when I look at it too. Part of me can’t stop thinking about the past and the other part is so excited about what the future is going to bring for her.

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The craziest thing was that I spent so much of Saturday feeling so proud of her for how mature and grown up she seemed to be acting around the other bridesmaids. She got dressed with them, traveled with them, engaged in conversations with them and kept herself poised and smiling through a few hours of pictures in the hot sunshine. She didn’t complain and she truly looked like she was having the time of her life. On top of it all, she was actually the first bridesmaid to walk down the aisle. She came down in front of all of the guests, all by herself, with a big smile, and took her position.

For a large part of the day I actually felt like she didn’t need me at all (and that was an equally strange feeling). I literally didn’t see her for an hour and a half while she got ready with the girls upstairs and during pictures she stayed with the girls and hardly talked to me. Even when I tried to make sure she knew what to do when she came down the aisle she motioned me away with an ‘I got this’ look on her face.

One of the best parts of my day came when the getting ready was done…and the photographs were done…and the touch ups were done…and the ceremony was done…and the cocktail party had begun. I turned around and she was at my side looking up at me with wide brown eyes and flushed cheeks. I asked her if she was tired and needed some water. She nodded yes and once we got the water she crawled up on my lap in her long beautiful gown and rested her head on my shoulder. We stayed that way for quite a long time.

It was then that I realized no matter how old she looks or how old she acts, the important thing is that she knows that I’ll always be there for her when she needs me. I’m her Mom and whether she’s eight, fifteen or thirty-six, she’ll always be my little girl.

Deanna is a Mom of three, wife, marketer and blogger – lover of travel, morning coffee, family time, belly laughs, good friends and uninterrupted showers! Follow her on twitter @DeannaCMiller